My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
