New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
