I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
