Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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