we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
