what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
