there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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