you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
