I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
