Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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