I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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