I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love having hate sex.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
