Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
