It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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