you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
