searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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