I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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