This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
