everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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