somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
