don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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