btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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