i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
