By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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