I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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