he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
