you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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