I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
