i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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