i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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