So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
