and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
