the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
