Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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