I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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