I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
