I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
