Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
