I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
