Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
