he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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