I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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