Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
