what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
