Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
