if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
