Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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