I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
