I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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