Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
