If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
