i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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