I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
