I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
