Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
