He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
